Category Archives: Musings

A Very Special Package & A Holiday Survey

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Happy Friday everyone!! Hope you’ve all had a great week so far and I’m more than ready to get this weekend started! :)

Is it just me or did this week fly by? Lately I’ve been taking Monday’s and Tuesday’s off from the gym (it feels so good to take two days off back-to-back), and I’ve noticed it really helps make the work week move along that much quicker.

And last night we had our company holiday party (dinner at Spiedo) so that too made the work week that much more tolerable in having a nice dinner out with some good food, wine, and of course, company. It was definitely a fun time and it’s always fun to get a lil tipsy with your coworkers – especially since mine are pretty awesome ;)

And then, yesterday was made even more special with an extra special delivery that I was greeted with when I came home on my lunch break…

Remember that lil barter I mentioned here about getting the Biscoff Spread and Cookie Butter for the lovely Ashley? I originally thought of this barter since I had heard that no where near her offers Biscoff and she doesn’t have a Trader Joe’s in her area (I know – the travesty!) so I offered to send her a couple jars since she’s been such a very sweet, supportive friend to me. Well in return I received the most sweetest, delicious package ever. I felt that it was extra special since she baked up some of her hubby’s favorite cookies, and I feel baked goods have a more warming touch and sentiment to it that I love…

Two of those dipped in milk were consumed last night once we got home from the party – it was the wine talkin’ ;)

And let me tell you. These cookies are AMAZING!!! And to confirm just how amazingly delicious they are, I’d like to quote the hubby who instantly texted me when he got home and was greeted by the cookies in saying, “Holy Moses!!! These cookies are crazy good!!!!!” Yep, I declare these cookies definitely have the husband seal of approval. I suggest you click here and check out her recipe so that you can make some extra special cookies for your hubby or S.O. :)

She also gifted me with this delicious looking muffin mix from a local bakery of hers that I can’t wait to bake up …

And an extra special lil something that was a surprise for me…

Cupcake Soap!! Is that not the cutest?!

Thank you so much again Ashley!!! I love my treats so much and I can bet already the cookies will be gone by this weekend ;)

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So a fun lil holiday survey is going round the blogosphere and you know how I love participating in these so without further ado -

25 Questions: Holiday Style…

  • Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Definitely hot chocolate – unless Starbucks Egg Nog Lattes count? ;) Now those I love!!
  • Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wraps presents! And my parents (Santa!) would always add a tag to the present that would say “From Santa”
  • Colored lights on tree/house or white? Growing up we always had colored lights on both the house and tree – but now my parents do white and they ponded off the colored lights to us so we’re taking over the tradition ;) But to answer the question, I love both!
  • Do you hang mistletoe? Nope. But my family always did, and it’d always be placed in an entryway that you’d have to walk through so everyone would walk under it one way or another.
  • When do you hang your decorations up? This year I started mine a couple weeks before Thanksgiving since I knew we’d be busy with being in New York, but typically it’s always the day after Thanksgiving.
  • What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Ooo that’s a toughy since all my favorite dishes are dessert based – obviously. So in this case, I’d have to go with my mom’s cheesy veggie baked casserole…it’s amazing.
  • Favorite holiday memory as a child? My parents are so amazing and really did such a wonderful job in bringing the fantasy of Santa Claus come alive – and they kept the streak going for quite a long time! I’ll never forget every Christmas Eve we’d set out gingerbread cookies and milk for Santa and his reindeer and the next morning being so excited to wake up and see his dessert was gobbled up! I’ll always remember the excited and happy feeling I felt and how real I felt Santa was – I always wondered too how Santa got his big butt up and down our chimney :) I’m so grateful for all the hard work my parents did into making Christmas such a memorable, special holiday for me and my sister, and I can’t wait to pass on these traditions to our little ones <3

See, Santa is for real!!!

Christmas Eve Circa 2009

  • What is on your Christmas Wish List? A new Laptop or iPad (!!) My family is gifting me gift cards to Best Buy so we’ll see what I like after some comparison shopping.
  • Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Yes! We always kept this tradition while growing up – but now we save them all for Christmas morning.
  • How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Except for this year, in which we did mini trees, we like to string colored lights around and hang all my ornaments I’ve collected throughout the years – the majority are from Hallmark since my mom owned a Hallmark store (it was the best job ever – having a mom as your boss and discounted stationary products was awesome). I love opening each ornament as it’s so nostalgic for me and brings back so many wonderful childhood memories.
  • Snow? Love it or dread it? Well, since we live in California and never get snow I would love one year to be somewhere and experience a white Christmas. But live in it and deal with it for all the months of winter? Never. I’ll just take one day of it, Christmas Day at that, please.
  • Real or fake tree? Growing up we always had real, and hubby and my first tree we got together was real, but ever since then (although I do love the pine smell!) I was highly annoyed by the mess it made. And ever since my parents made the move to fake I was then hooked. So I have big plans this year to scope out some After Christmas Sales and score us a fake tree.
  • Do you remember your favorite gift? Oh yes I do!! My 2001 Ford Convertible Mustang that I still drive to this day. It was the.best.gift.ever. I’ll never forget too how my parents put the car keys in a box in my stocking and I’ll never forget the scream I let out when I realized what it was. Didn’t I tell you how amazing my parents are? <3
  • What’s the most important thing about Christmas for you? Being with family. Nothing else brings me more joy, happiness, and fills my heart so very much.
  • What is your favorite holiday dessert? Most definitely my mom’s Pumpkin Chiffon Pie. It’s a Thanksgiving dessert too, but we love it so very much that we make it for Christmas also. This time I’ll be sure to snap a pic of it!
  • What is your favorite tradition? Me and my hubby having a sleepover Christmas Eve night at my parents house, and waking up to a tree full of presents and stockings full of goodies. And we always always do stockings last!
  • What tops your tree? An angel!
  • Which do you prefer: giving or receiving? As a child, let’s be real, receiving! But now that I’m an adult, nothing brings me more joy than the act of giving. I love seeing the joy and smiles on people’s faces when they open their gifts – warms my heart so much.
  • What is your favorite Christmas Song? O Holy Night. And I gotta add this one in – ‘NSYNC’s “Kiss Me At Midnight” Love it!
  • Favorite Christmas Movie? National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It’s a tradition for my dad to pop in the movie and have it playing all Christmas day while we open presents :) A close second is the original Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and A Christmas Story.
  • What do you leave for Santa? I touched on this one above – we would leave out a glass of milk and gingerbread cookies.
  • Do you have a Christmas morning tradition? Yes! We always sleep in and immediately start opening gifts. Then we take a breather, eat some breakfast with coffee and mimosas, and then open our stockings – we like to prolong the event as long as possible!
  • Do you prefer to shop online or at the mall? When I was younger (especially in my teenager years) I loved going to the mall – the best spot to scope out any cute guys ;) But now I’m all about convenience and love to online shop – in fact I bought ever single person’s gift this year (except for my sis, Todd, and coworkers) online.
  • Christmas letter or Christmas card? I always do Christmas cards – but one childhood friend of mine who lives in Utah does a letter and I love hearing about what her family and their 3 kids are up to. I also love getting photo cards of my friends with their S.O. and/or children/fur babies – so cute! Todd and I have never done a photo card but I really want us too one year very soon!

Questions:
Answer any of the above!
Does your company have a holiday party?
Any fun plans for tonight or this weekend?

I Give Myself Permission To…

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Happy Friday everyone!! Not to mention Happy December! Can you believe we’re at the last month of the year already? Crazy how time flies by so fast – although I feel that this year in particular especially flew by. Not sure why…maybe it’s because I’m finally happy in a steady job, my health is the best it’s been in a very long time, and I’ve made fantastic friends through this blogging community – I think that makes for a fantastic year :) And although it’s been a wonderful, yet speedy one, it got me thinking about how I want to make next year an even better one and what goals I want to set for myself. But before I talk about 2012 goals, a post I want to save for the end of this month, I want to think about goals that I want to be proactive about, not just for the new year, but for a lifetime. Balance is a lifetime goal for me, and I want to feel more confident in who I am as a person and my life in general, it’s a way of saying to ourselves “I Give Myself Permission To…” and owning it.

I got this inspiration from Sarah Michelle Gellar and her article in this month’s Self Magazine…

I absolutely love her attitude in “Giving Herself Permission To…” and it really inspired me to think about what I give myself permission to do. So I thought it’d be fun to make my own list here and in the comments section I would love to hear yours!

I Give Myself Permission To…

  • …let go of regrets from my past. I would love to reclaim my 20′s and live it without an eating disorder and days of overexercising, but what’s done is done. Now I can only live in the present and look towards the future and thank God that I’m a healthier and happier person. Those struggles made me who I am today and I can only hope to help others out there with what I’ve learned.
  • …get angry and upset in having HA and not being able to get a period/conceive as quickly as I expected to…and then have a pity party over it all. But I am quick to remind myself that I have a wonderful and fulfilling life filled with loving family and friends and that my miracle will come with patience and perseverance.
  • …let myself enjoy the holiday’s with all the indulgent food that comes with it – we only live once and it’s ok to enjoy special moments through food, wine, and of course, good company.
  • …to workout at a light intensity and take days off from the gym in order to help our chances of conceiving. Sure it bothers me that I can’t workout like the athlete I am, but now is the time to relax and build a safe nest for baby. I have to remind myself that working out and training like an athlete can happen after the baby.
  • …to be happy with my job. Sure I start to get FB envy over friends that have this or that kind of job, but would their job make me happy? No! Being happy is what I strive for in life, and life is too short to not be happy, period.
  • …to not obsess over the scale and accept my body the shape that it is. The more I read about other women with HA, the more I realize that I need to be at a higher bmi (22-23=fertile bmi) and that will be a weight I’ve never seen before in my entire life. It mentally sits uncomfortable with me, but I just have to accept where my body and weight will be happy and fertile at.
  • …make time for myself by getting a pedicure, reading blogs, and watching trashy reality television – why should I feel guilty for liking the RH?! ;)
  • …to always make time for my husband and our marriage. Once we have children I want us to remember that our marriage always come first, then the kids. I believe that to keep a marriage healthy and happy forever, the husband and wife should always make time for each others needs first, then they can tend to the children and give them the most loving, wonderful life.
  • …to make time for family and friends. Laughing and commiserating with those special people in your life creates a bond and a happiness that is infectious. I think it’s important to maintain these friendships so that as a whole you’re a happier person, and so then you can give yourself better to all other areas of your life – work, significant other, children, etc.
  • …to disconnect from FB and blogs/blogging. Though I do love to keep in touch with everyone, I believe it’s also healthy to detach from the internet social circles and to not get caught up on what is going on in everyone else’s lives – remember that your own life is just as important and deserving of the utmost attention.
  • …always be me, and nobody else. There’s only one of us in this entire world, that is what makes us so unique and special, and we should own and appreciate every different, quirky part of ourselves.

I hope you all are having a fantastic Friday and have a wonderful weekend!!! I have plans tomorrow to meet up for lunch and shopping with a lovely girlfriend of mine – I love her dearly and we’ve been friends since Kindergarten – can’t wait to catch up with her :) And then that night hubby, sis, and I will be at the parentals having our usual family fun – good food, wine, and everything in between ;)

Questions:
What do you “give yourself permission to…”?
Any fun plans for you this weekend?!

Holiday Shopping – For Me?!

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Hello all! How is everyone’s Tuesday Wednesday going? For some reason all today I’ve been thinking it’s Tuesday – it’s nice when you realize it’s actually a day later than you thought – don’t you love it when that happens? ;)

So with Christmas now less than a month away it’s time to gear up as Santa’s little elves and start holiday gift shopping for your family and friends. Though I believe the holiday’s should be a time to cherish and celebrate moments with family and friends and to remember that Christmas is a day to commemorate the birth of Jesus Christ, it’s also one in sharing joy with others through gift giving, and I admit that I already got holiday shopping on the brain. So much so that I’ve already started shopping for none other than…me!

Am I the only guilty one here who has high hopes of buying gifts for friends and family, only to leave the store with a gift for yourself? I think we all deserve a treat now and then and I like to believe it makes dealing with all the crazy mall crowds and traffic that much more bearable when you got a special lil something for yourself ;) And how can I not pass up the adorable penguin themed goodies that are especially on display during Christmastime. Like these adorable penguin mugs I found at Target that I absolutely could not pass up…

They also came with matching placemats and plates but hubby said no – good for my wallet but sad for the soul, haha

And Trader Joe’s – don’t even set foot in there if you don’t want to come out with a bag full of holiday goodies that they got going on right now. Like these gems I found there the other day…

Everything is absolutely delicious, but the Cookie Butter? Um – amazing!! Just like Biscoff Spread but a lot thicker and more dense – delish!

And random side note but speaking of Biscoff Spread, if you ever come across buying a jar and have emptied it in a week like we did, then I highly suggest you make Overnight Oats in it – purely amazing…

So back to holiday shopping, I also got my eye out for some over-the-knee boots. And with the help from Ms. Shoe Fashionista Shanna, she told me about the awesome shoe website that is Endless.com and I already got my eye on a couple beauties…

Chinese Laundry – Kingdom

Franco Sarto – Social

And I love flat boots too – especially with hardware on it…

Madden Girl – Ravia

And you may be asking, why not ask Santa for a pair of boots? (Yes we still have “Santa” in this household ;) ) Well, since my laptop is kaput I’ve asked Santa for a new iPad (!!) So excited…

(source)

Speaking of iPad’s – are they blogging friendly? I know all you ladies are pretty tech savvy so please leave me any input/advice you may have on the iPad!

The holiday season is about spreading cheer and love to family and friends – but I also thinking showing your love through food, cards, or gifts is something so special and what makes this time of year so wonderful :)

Questions:
What’s on your wish list this holiday season?!
Do you still play “Santa” with your family? For our Xmas Eve family holiday party, my dad plays Santa for the little kids and it’s the most adorable thing ever – it’s an awesome tradition that I love so much <3

Christmas Eve 2009 – sis, mom, Santa (dad!), Todd, me (wow with short hair!)

How to Enjoy Holiday Eating, Without Fear

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Happy Wednesday everyone! Hope you’re all having a great week so far :)

Anyone else get a short week this week for Veterans Day?! It’s not a paid company holiday for us but my boss is letting me take it off and I have some major fun planned to boot! Details to come later ;)

With the holiday season gearing up – can you believe Thanksgiving will be here in about 2 weeks?! It brings to me a topic I’ve wanted to talk about that I feel effect many women, either with or without a past of disordered eating. You see it splayed all over the magazines “How to not gain weight this holiday season!” “Ways to keep your waistline in check during the holiday’s!” “How to navigate holiday parties the healthy way!” It all boils down to one thing – how do we maintain our healthy lifestyles while enjoying the indulgent foods this holiday season? It’s a struggle I still deal with and wanted to talk about with you all.

During my eating disordered days and when I was underweight there were a lot of negatives that came with it – lack of energy, lack of confidence, thinning hair, dry skin, nutrient deficiencies, feelings of deprivation and binge eating, etc. But there was one thing that, dare I say it, I did like about it – I could enjoy indulgences without any guilt since I knew in the back of my mind I needed those calories and could afford them. Crazy how the mind works, huh? I’m embarrassed to say it but I’ll be honest here in saying that’s what I liked about being underweight and why I stayed that way for so long. I feared being at a healthy weight because I feared not being able to indulge and do so in a moderate way – and then once at a healthy weight, I feared whether or not I could trust my body in staying there, or would the weight just keep climbing? But to live in fear with my weight and food is no way to live, neither is being underweight.

Through the years of overcoming my disordered eating and gaining to a healthy weight, I learned to trust my body and feel that right now it’s right where it wants to be. And though I’ve overcome a lot of fears through those years, there’s one I still battle with. How to (guilt free) enjoy holiday eating? I know to some it may seem so simple to answer – just enjoy the darn food, it’s the holiday’s, wheeee! Yeah wish it were that easy – with a mind like mine that’s just not the case. It’s still in the back of my mind of how I’m “mindfully” and “intuitively” going to enjoy these foods without fear all while enjoying what matters most during the holiday’s – being with family. And for these next couple months that’s going to be my main goal – to be present and enjoy every second with those I love so much. In the grand scheme of things does it really matter if I gain a couple (or 5!) pounds because I enjoyed delicious holiday foods with family and friends? I think not. Though I do want to remain healthy and exercise this holiday season because that’s what makes me happy (and trust me, you don’t want to see a cranky Shayla) – I also really want to enjoy eating my way through this holiday season, without fear.

I’ve grown and learned so much through this community – it helped me during my darkest days. So now I’d like even more help from you all…

I’d love to know from all you wonderful ladies how do you enjoy holiday eating, without fear/guilt? Do you struggle with it or does it come easy for you? What are your tips for maintaining your healthy lifestyle during this holiday season? Do you let yourself become more lax during the holiday season and board the healthy train come New Year’s?

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Today I was especially loving my outfit and wanted to share with you all. I was gifted these adorable polka dot tights a couple years ago from my family and I’m just now wearing them!! What took me so long?

Sweater dress – Forever 21; Tights – Hue (Macy’s); Boots- Via Spiga

Do you like polka dots?! Whether they’re in season or not, I love them! :)

And yesterday was a sad day for my tried and true workout companion, who pushes me through a tough workout and gets those endorphins flowin’…Mr. iPod here is done. Gone to iPod heaven. It’s a sad day.

What kind of iPod do you have? And suggestions on what I should get?!

Well everyone, I hope you all have a wonderful day and I’ll see you all back here tomorrow! :)

Facing Fear Foods

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Hi everyone! Hope you’re all having a lovely day so far :)

Well I’m happy to hear from yesterday’s post that you all definitely agree that Miss Jessica Simpson is in fact – pregnant!! Mila brought up a great point that she’s probably keeping her pregnancy a mystery since in the past there has been so much media speculation about her being pregnant when in fact it was due to weight gain. She’s pulling every media’s chain and I give her props for doing that…however a part of me wishes she’d release a statement saying that she’s pregnant since I’d love to see her show off that bump and see her embrace her maternity style :)

****

There are so many facets to my disordered eating struggles that I’ve wanted to talk about with you all – from trying to be perfect, to restricting and binging, to obsessive calorie counting, to over exercising, to using wine to help ease the pain – and how I’ve overcome many of these struggles. One of which I want to talk about now is – fear foods. I used to have (and am still working on) many fear foods. During the Atkins craze and at the height of my underweight days and disordered eating, I feared one thing only, carbs. Something inside my irrational mind told me that one bite of doughy bread or perfectly al dente pasta would instantly add 5 pounds to my frame. Which you all know would obviously not happen, but a disordered mind is a tricky one to deal with and in those moments, it will not think rationally.

So how did I retrain my mind to think rationally towards carbs and eat them again without any anxiety? I ate it. I just went for it and ate it. Sure it was hard, I got anxious, started to feel guilt well up inside me…but soon enough the feeling passed, and guess what? I woke up the next day at the same weight, was perfectly fine, and noticed additional benefits such as increased energy and a feeling of happiness. Each day I continued to add more and more carbs, with that I started to feel less and less anxious…and the positive feelings I started to feel with the benefits of carbs in my everyday diet, soon outweighed the negative, irrational thoughts and I could eat a piece of bread or have a bowl of pasta without any fear.

Everyday I think I can make an improvement within myself during this journey…having had this disorder will be with me for the rest of my life, it will never go away. But at least it will never control me again and I do not have the rigidity or fear like I had, and everyday I’m determined to succeed in this journey. Now that that fear is behind me, I’m embracing all types of cuisines and am having so much fun in the kitchen. Never would I have made a bowl of pasta, never. But now, my husband and I can enjoy meals like the one we had last night for dinner…

And turkey burgers with buns that we’ll be enjoying for dinner tonight…

(recycled photo)

Sure I’m not perfect. I still have my moments where I’d rather enjoy a salad for lunch instead of a sandwich…or a 100 calorie sandwich/bagel thin instead of a real bagel or hearty ciabatta bread…but I do recognize those moments and am still a work in progress with it all. What matters to me now is that I’m happy, I have energy, I’m healthy, and I faced my fear :)

Questions:
Do you have a fear food?
How did you face that fear?
What’s a delicious dinner you’ve made or had recently?